By EU vs Disinfo

Warning: Satire

Fear is the main element in the pro-Kremlin disinformation ecosystem. The EUvsDisinfo has earlier outlined a few of the phobias, plaguing the pro-Kremlin media. In a series of articles, we will continue to explore the nightmares of the Kremlin’s State of Fear and present the Kremlin Bestiary.

The Anglo-Saxon

Saxonum Angliae

The Anglo-Saxon is, together with the Banker, one of the longest-living beast in the Kremlin’s menagerie of monsters. It acts independently or jointly with other beasts; it can even assume the shape of other beasts, appearing as the NATO, the Liberal or as minor beasts like the Balt. The Anglo-Saxon’s distinctive feature is its ability to shape-change. An attack can be fiercely violent or seductively soft; the Anglo-Saxon will use melodies and colourful pictures as weapons, just as well as hot lead or cold steel.

The Anglo-Saxon avoids direct conflict; it has actually never faced-off in direct confrontation with the Kremlin. The Anglo-Saxon’s ability to disguise and shape-change can be misunderstood as a genuine act of friendship. But the Anglo-Saxon will always betray its allies if it can gain from it.

The Anglo-Saxon is genetically coded to seek world hegemony and will immediately seize any territory within reach. Eventually, the Anglo-Saxon has almost entirely surrounded all territories, controlled by the Kremlin. Despite its arrogance, the Anglo-Saxon is genuinely pusillanimous. Decisive action against the Anglo-Saxon will always trigger an instinct of appeasement.

Strength: Shape-changing

Weakness: Cowardice

Distinctive features: Stiff upper lip, arrogance

The Anglo-Saxon in the EUvsDisinfo Database on Disinformation

The Balt

Balthus Ominus

The Balt is a beast that despite its relatively small size, constitutes a major threat to the Kremlin. The Kremlin’s beast-hunters are devoting an impressive amount of time and energy for hunting the Balt. For several years, the Kremlin was convinced that the Balt had been defeated once and for all, but this little rascal proved to be much harder nut to crack than what expected.

The Balt’s major feature is its ability to survive. This feature was not known to the generation of Beast Hunters that managed to capture the Balt and – as they believed – defeat it. The Balt actually survived the generations of Kremlin Beast Hunters. The danger with the Balt is that it exposes weaknesses of the Kremlin.

The Balt’s small size is both a strength and a weakness. Obviously, the Balt is not a danger to the existence of the Kremlin, but it moves fast and strikes painfully and its defiant attitude is irritating.

Strength: Moves quickly, strikes painfully

Weakness: Small, not really a threat

Distinctive features: Size, attitude

The Balt in the EUvsDisinfo Database on Disinformation

The Banker

Conspirator Argentariae

The Banker is an arch-enemy of the Kremlin. Some of the pro-Kremlin bestiologists argue that the Banker is the primordial enemy, predating any other beasts; while others give the priority to the Anglo-Saxon. The Banker is rarely acting on its own; but uses proxies for carrying out its destructive work. The Banker is a solitary and secretive beast, but is known to convene with its kind regularly to avoid conflicts of interests.

The Banker can act on large distances; it does not need to be anywhere near any of its actions. The proxies might even believe they act independently, while they are under the influence of the Banker’s venom: gold. This venom is highly addictive; once bitten, the victim will thirst for new doses of gold.

The Banker habitates in banks, where the Banker collects its spoils. Kremlin beast-hunters have successfully entered banks for retrieving riches and engaging the Banker in combat. Bankers have been caught and exposed only to reappear at an entirely new location. The Banker is easy to defeat, but virtually impossible to exterminate.

Strength: Ability to reinvigorate

Weakness: Physically weak, yields to violence

Distinctive features: wears formal dress, often adorned with dollar signs

The Banker in the EUvsDisinfo Database on Disinformation

By EU vs Disinfo